The Highest Highs and the Lowest Lows
(aka Rage Against the Mountain Machine)
After taking almost a year to consider whether or not to publish our Blue Mountain posts we’ve decided it’s worthwhile. We stand by our initial impressions.
A few weeks earlier – while looking at our calendar – my wife and I had an epiphany:
“Why don’t we go to Blue Mountain after the Family Day long weekend?”
Indeed, it made sense on multiple levels. We already planned to see the musical Aladdin in Toronto earlier that weekend, but we were at loose ends afterward.
Yes, Family Day was on Monday but our kids’ school had Tuesday off as well. Surely the crowds would clear out late on Monday, leaving us a pristine and beautiful hill to enjoy before once more heading back to our routine.
And shouldn’t we try to maximize our time on the slopes? El Nino had brought us a warm winter – where even the heart of Quebec had been drenched in rain when we visited Club Med Charlevoix – and it seemed we had only a few short weeks before the slushy spring skiing season would be upon us.
So we impulse-bought an overnight stay at Blue Mountain in one of their two bedroom units, along with a Family Fun Pass and a set of lift tickets for the Tuesday.
And then we put that plan to bed while we worked on the long list of other travel priorities.
But time marched on – as it is wont to do – and we soon found ourselves enjoying our show at Aladdin (along with a spectacular brunch, and an impromptu trip to Ripley’s Aquarium) followed soon after by the trip to Blue Mountain.
Our last trip to Ripley’s was pre-pandemic and we marvelled over how much larger the sharks and turtles have grown
There was little foreshadowing for how the trip would unfold. The drive in went well enough, with us having traded in our previous EV loaner from Porsche in for a new gas-powered loaner which they were more inclined to let us hang onto while we’re away on forthcoming trip to Morocco.
The upside of this was that we would have a Cayenne, with much more cargo room than anything we’ve driven in the past. And indeed, we managed to get the entirety of our skiing, skating and overnight gear into the back of it without a roofbox – something we haven’t managed, well, ever since we got a roofbox.
And the drive out was quiet, too. And it was a bright sunny day.
So far, so good.
But then we arrived at Blue Mountain. Or, you know, at the outskirts of it.
It was sort of an arrival in slow motion, as there was a very long line of cars attempting to access the village’s main parking lot – there was even a police car stationed at the edge of the evidently-full parking lot. But we rented directly from Blue, which meant that’s where we had to go.
So we explained ourselves to the police officer – who looked as though she’d had well-meaning tourists explaining themselves to her all day – and then went to check ourselves in.
It was only noon, so we weren’t surprised to hear that our room wasn’t ready. We simply counted ourselves lucky that there wasn’t a long line to see the hotel staff, and that they were able to get us underground parking – close to the elevator, no less.
Once parked we then headed off for lunch at the very authentic circa 2008 Irish pub which nevertheless had some decent food. My fish and chips seemed a bit dry and rubbery, but the chicken sandwich, chicken fingers and kids’ fish and chips all seemed to meet with approval from my wife and kids. And the price was reasonable, which can be a very rare occurrence indeed in the middle of a ski village.
I then went to get the Play All Day Passes that we’d purchased for the day, which gave us access to the aquatic centre, the tube hill, the mountain rollercoaster, and even the canopy climb – usually restricted to summers only. And because we’d pre-purchased the pass, we only had to scan the bar code from our e-mail at Guest Relations – no waiting required.
But that was about where the Play ended.
I mean… we tried.
Where shall we go first?
Let’s try to the tube hill. Oh, sorry. It’s an hour long wait to even enter the hill.
Hmmm. Maybe the aquatics centre? Sorry. Closed.
Mountain rollercoaster? Estimated wait time: Two Hours.
Canopy climb? In this weather?
I’ll admit that the canopy climb was fun. The kids bounced up and down on netted trampolines and climbed across ridiculous obstacles while the adults huffed and panted to keep up.
Some of the obstacles even passed over ski runs, and we could see skiers and snowboarders racing along beneath us. It was more than fun enough to make us forget that most of the slides were (understandably) closed due to the season.
And the Mountaintop skating was quite good too. As the name suggests, we had to drive up to the top of the run to get there. This meant abandoning our prime parking space and driving through the Blue Mountain village disaster zone – but once we were there, skating amidst the trees and peering down at the lake, we had an absolute blast.
Better still – it wasn’t overly busy, and there wasn’t any wait. (Though the ice itself could have used a bit more care and attention – it was getting rather rough and bumpy by the time we arrived. I wonder how it would be first thing in the morning…)
We also got more good news – our room was ready.
As we attempted various Play All Day events, I’d occasionally texted Alto (the Blue Mountain virtual concierge) to ask whether our room was ready, only to be somewhat gruffly told that I didn’t need to ask as they would let me know when the room was ready. This seemed unusually on-the-ball for a major hotel chain, but I decided to accept it at face value.
But – as promised – they had told us when the room was ready. No hounding required.
Or so we thought.
Having returned from skating, we loaded ourselves up with various backpacks, duffles, etc. and set off for our now ready room.
To find that it wasn’t.
Not ready? Not our room? Something like that…
I’ve never had anything like this happen before. Even the tiny boutique hotel in Dubrovnik we stayed at – where the manager / cleaner / chief clerk lived amidst a stack of folded towels – was vastly better organized.
I mean, I get it. It’s the tail end of a busy long weekend. But then maybe… don’t say the room’s ready if it isn’t?
Anyway, back down to the front desk where they tried to figure out a solution. Looked like we would either have to wait two hours for them to actually clean the room, or that they would have to find us space in another one of the hotels. But they would – pause for applause – comp our $20 worth of underground parking.
Sorry, but that isn’t adequate. And I said as much.
Listen, I get it – these things happen. No one is perfect. We know that there are going to be mistakes. All we ask is that they do their utmost to try and figure out how to make it right.
Enter the manager, who – after about 10 minutes of searching and updating – managed to find us another room in the same building. But no further discount.
And the room?
Generally adequate. A bit tired, and the stains and non-functional dishwasher didn’t help matters either.
Why fix your appliances when you can inconvenience your cleaners instead?
What would have made it right? That’s a very good question. I’ll admit, we were already grumpy at having been able to use so little of our Play All Day passes. I think 10 – 20% off would have been a fitting discount. I might have felt otherwise if they had offered something. But they didn’t, so who can say?
We went to dinner at Copper Blues, and I tried to put a name to what I was feeling – specifically, the sense that there was something wrong at Blue Mountain.
I sat down at our booth and watched the server dash off, and that’s when I realized it.
It’s the Blue Mountain Machine.
The individual people we had dealt with were all fine people. They were working hard, doing their best, trying to find solutions to problems. But the system they inhabited is very close to broken.
Even after having been there for only a few hours, it’s immediately that there aren’t enough staff, they aren’t paid enough, and everything there is just designed to put you on a conveyer belt while they shake as much money from you as possible.
Consider the Play All Day passes – clearly they were way over capacity and didn’t have the ability for people to use the passes they’d bought. And yet they were still selling more. Why not stop selling them once they are at capacity? Or even allow for people to register “virtually” in lines? It makes no sense spending half a holiday standing out in the cold solely to have a few minutes of fun.
Foreshadowing
But I’m getting ahead of myself. Back to dinner.
Copper Blues is one of Blue Mountain’s more upscale restaurants, and I have to say that they did quite a good job. The servers may have been run off their feet but we were in and out of there in about an hour. (Don’t count on that, though – they say it’s generally a two-hour experience.)
It was, admittedly, expensive. But we brought that on ourselves, ordering striploins and $15 chocolate tortes. And I have to say that a 2% credit card fee seems egregious when they are charging as much as they are – seems almost as bad as charging for napkins. But whatever, it is what it is.
And why did we race through our meal so quickly? Well, I’d had the bright idea of trying to get back in the line for the mountain rollercoaster. I thought it would be fast if we went in the evening.
Dear Reader: I was wrong. So wrong.
There are times when you know you are making a mistake, and yet you do it anyway. You set plans in motion that you cannot stop. It feels a lot like trying to un-ring a bell. It just can’t be done.
And that’s what happened our first evening at Blue Mountain.
I dashed off to the mountain rollercoaster to see if we might be able to get on before it closed at 8 pm. The line looked short! The attendant said they likely weren’t closing for a while yet! Great! I asked if we’d be okay if I could bring my kids within the next 10 minutes, and he said – “Oh, yeah. Definitely.”
We got back and the ride had closed for the night. But! They were willing to make an exception. Just for us. Because he’d promised.
(Again, a recurrent theme – Blue Mountain oversells the passes, but it’s the attendants who are left to manage the angry customers who haven’t had a chance to actually Play All Day. Or possibly Play At All.)
I texted my wife, who was running a box of leftover pizza back to our room. She suggests that, maybe, this isn’t a great idea. That maybe we should just focus on skiing / snowboarding the next day.
I sadly ignored her. I’m hot on the scent of a rollercoaster and – unfortunately – will not be denied.
Cue 90 minutes of waiting while everyone gets progressively colder and colder, and by the end we’re all wondering why we bothered to line up in the first place.
The children have an excuse: They’re children. They should not be expected to fully imagine the natural consequences of waiting this long, not when there’s a rollercoaster on offer.
But me? I have no excuse. I had put the plan in motion, and was simply left to watch my wife becoming increasingly – and justifiably! – annoyed as the wait drew on and on and on.
Because what was she going to do? I offered to cancel soon after we joined the line, but she’d already voiced opposition to the plan. The kids would have blamed her for not going since they each needed an adult to ride with them. And that wasn’t fair to her, not when I should’ve been backing her up instead of charging headlong in a 90 minute lineup without a care in the world as to what it might mean for the rest of our trip.
We’ll call it a lesson learned, I suppose – there’s a time to push for that last fun activity and there’s a time to truly listen to what your partner is really saying, not just what you think they’re saying.
And the rollercoaster itself? It was fine, I guess. Just not worth a 90 minute lineup.
Yes from here it was fully 90 min to reach the front of the line. I don’t even know how long it would’ve taken earlier in the day with all the queues actually filled – 2.5 -3 hrs seems likely
Which brings me to where I am now, back at our not-entirely-functional hotel room, listening to the very loud dance music currently playing outside the window in the Village while I tap out my very first mixed – nay, negative – trip review.
The faucet drips incessantly and remarkably loudly so we’re using a towel to try and reduce the sound
And what of our second day – will Blue Mountain be able to deliver some quality skiing and snowboarding? Or will my rollercoaster-based shenanigans cast a shadow on the rest of our trip?
Stay tuned to find out.